Bliss

For sure at times ignorance is bliss....

Take for example my latest blunder.....I don't know how I found out, it was by mistake. But I discovered the guy I use to see had actually started a life without me...( I blogged about hacking his e-mail)

I guess I really wasn't expecting it because he would on a very regular basis, come over and declare his undying love for me...and there I would sit in my solitary haze of self confidence, that I had his love forever....just waiting for him to change for me.

I think during these past two years of not being physically involved with him, I believed at some sort of level, that one day he would come to appreciate everything I had to offer, and then be able make the necessary profound changes required for us to be a happy couple.

"Auggg"...."sigh".....with a shake of the head.....maybe this time I can really learn;

You can only change yourself...and that's a monumental task in itself, let alone expecting someone to change for you. Impossible!

After a failed attempt for the past four weeks to see if we could work it out...I'm once again at that point that I know for a fact that we could never give to each other what each of us needs from the other....Although he promised me this time to give me what I felt I had never been given in the past, I see that he still can't me today what I expected yesterday...thus...time to move on...and I mean really move on this time.

Why is it that it's the woman that always has to conform? It's over again even before it started. At least I didn't sleep with him again....OMG I would of hated myself.

This is the eve of my 53rd birthday....I hope when I am writing to my blog next year I will have grown a little wiser, because DAMN IT....your suppose to get wiser with age, not stupider with more wrinkles and some gray hair.

I seem to keep making the same mistakes over and over and over.......Happy 53rd year birthday Holly, apparently you are older but not any wiser....

Oh well another whole year to get it right!