The Journey

Today I have to go down to Mexico...I go there to see the dentist....and they do a great job for a fraction of the cost....

Now we have to have a birth certificate to cross the border...I have mine sitting on the counter ready to go...

I happen to be looking at it, and I read it. My mom had me when she was 19 years old, and my dad was 21 at the time.

As I was looking at the little piece of paper, it occurred to me what strangers those people are.

They were so young at the time of my birth, just kids really. And yet to me, these were the people who were to take care of me, make sure I was all right...

Knowing them now, I can see that was an impossible task.

They just were not equipped, they were too young, and just not the right parents to have.

How strange to look at a piece of paper, knowing that it represents the day you were brought into this world.

Now I look at this paper and reflect back in time, when I was younger I use to look at this document and think about all of the possibilities that lie before me.

Seems to me I'm either looking back or looking forward...and never do I just look at the here and now, I'm never in the moment.

Saturday Night...

Mid Terms for me again....this is one of two semesters left....and then I'm done...kinda.

Once an acupuncturist finishes school, it takes about another 250 study hours in order to prepare for the state exam...IF one should decide to stay in the state of California...which I may not. I would just have to take the national exam and...wha laa...I'm an acupuncturist...Done...a five year journey...completed.

I am seriously considering moving to Florida when I compete my Masters...why? Because I can go there and practice on animals...clinic and all...but then again...I don't know.

I feel sad that I have to make this choice since my home is up in the air...I'm still not sure where this is going...but feels like down the tubes....but I don't want to dwell on that.....I figure I have about five more months here.

So I ask my self....if you could go anywhere in the wold where would you want to go....because I can do ya know....There is NOTHING holding me here....I am lost from my family, I don't have one anymore, and I guess I never really did....I don't have a significant other...well kinda, but it can't go anywhere and its been on hold for awhile...but he still is on the outskirts of the parameters...waiting for the word. Not sure if he will ever hear it again...sigh.....who knows.

I've become a loner...just like my mother. Thanks mom.

So...here I sit, me and my book and my sleeping dogs....On a Saturday night....would I have it any different?

I don't think so....I like things just the way they are.

Yikes...How Did THAT happen?

E Gads.....what a mess.......okay...starting about early July after I get the bad news....Something just went awry....I found the local Yogurt shop.

This isn't any ole place that you go in and someone serves you...this is a special place where you get to make up your own dish of delectable frozen yogurt....they have about 100 different toppings....my mouth is watering just thinkin' about it.

My favorite mixture consisted of chocolate, white chocolate, some nifty candies, snickers toppings, and of course whipped cream to finish it off.

I knew things were getting away from me when I so easily chucked my scale and put it under the sink....or perhaps it was when I started avoiding certain clothes...

None the less...every night I was going over to the yogurt place and have two double larges.

Ummmmmm....Thought if I didn't eat anything else during the day I could get away with it, and there I say savoring every bite of my double large frozen Yogurts and then with my full tummy climbing into bed for a good night sleep. And of course I had stopped going to the gym.

So this goes on until mid August.....Okay...maybe it was my way of drowning my sorrows...but the stuff was good, and I mean really good. There was no way I could stop myself.

Then one day I happened to look down...and what I saw appalled me...I had OVERNIGHT developed this enormous belly.....and people were starting to ask me questions like "hey Holly, ya still working out?".....hmmmmm, I was starting to get the drift.

I was living in stretchy gym shorts that had a lot of give....and ya know when your putting on weight you just KNOW what clothes to avoid...until that one certain day...when it all comes home...

I went to put on a pair of pants.....I could not get them over my fat ass....SHIT! I had to put on at least 15 lbs...

So here I am.....trying to wean myself off of my nightly Milky Way bars and get serious again about taking care of myself...

Dumpy and goin' broke...ya gotta love it!