I'm always thinking of writing to my blog.....but it seems as if there is not much ever to post.
But I have been having an inkling of a thought...and it bothers me.
It seems that no matter where I'm standing in life.....its never good enough.
Those childhood voices that live in the back of my head provide me with a daily litany of critique.
"I'm too fat'
"I'm not growing my business fast enough"
"The house is old and broken down and ugly " (its actually very beautiful...just needs some work)
"Noone would ever find me attractive again"
These voices have lived with me my entire life.
They come from the days of my father and mother.....hate to lay it on them, because I am 52.....but from the time I can remember, nothing was ever good enough for them...it was just not me, it was the way that they lived their life, and it has been past on to me.
Of course I have seen a therapist....Who would want to live with those nasty little voices....but it didn't work. Maybe I just didn't work hard enough to get rid of them.
I don't know....but they wear me down, and they make me feel like I can't live in the moment.
My life is a constant tread mill of trying to get to somewhere that when I arrive is never good enough.
It makes me sad.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Another Week
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2 comments:
I think our voices must be related to each other. Yours sound just like mine :-(
This is the time we are supposed to replace those nasty voices with sweet and kind voices of our own. It can be SO hard to replace other people's expectations with our own wants and desires. Makes it very hard to live in the moment because we are always striving for something someone else thinks we should have or be.
Sound to me like you are doing what you are wanting to do and are doing it wonderfully! Tell those little voices to shut up if they are not nice to you. Period.
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