Caring Again

I got some shocking news way back in June...actually I think I had a premonition of it coming...I even blogged about it....I heard this voice that said..."big things are getting ready to happen". I even wrote it down after I woke up from that nap that should of served as a warning...but me.. I took this as wonderful things were going to happen, because at that time, so many things seemed to be going so right.

HA! Big is the operative word here.....Big LOSES!

My ex-partner (husband) who I had stayed fiscally intertwined with all these years (35 long years to be exact).....manage to loose everything we own because of his foolish real estate speculations.

Yes....everything. So here I am at 52 years old, with basically not a thing to my name. I'm sure that within 6 months that I will lose my house. He leveraged everything so much, that the current house payments are not worth making and it would be like putting money in a trash can and burning it.

Every day is a day where I try to figure out where I'll be in 8 months...

Its so sad for me because I love my house, I have lived here for 15 years, and its just being ripped away from me.

So...how did this guy get the money out of MY house? Very long story, had to do with my melt down that was 6 years ago, yes and that time was my mistake, my bad decisions.

But I have another way of looking at the whole thing and moving on and feeling good about where I'm going;

If I did not do what I had to do back then....I would of lost it then. At the time of my great sadness (3 miscarriages later and a boyfriend who ditched me), my brother who is a multi millionaire would not load me money while I sold my house. I asked him to bridge loan me 50K while my house sold, and as I was pulling my life back together. He refused because his wife has never liked me. A secured loan and he said no....(remind me to blog about how he had me picked up by the police and put into a 72 hour crazy ward, which forever changed my life and how I think about myself)

So I had no other options at the time...I had to take the path that I did, which was to trust my ex with my assets, I really had no other choice.....

and at the end of the day this gamble did not pay off.....BUT....

I can look at it two ways....

I can say that I've lost everything....or I can think that I had 5 years in which to find another path....and that everything going forward is of my own making....(and I do have a bright future, my pet empire is thriving and makes a very good living)

This would be for the first time in my life.....That it is only me and living with my own mistakes. (fiscal decisions without a f....king man in the mix)

Some days I'm bitter and angry and others I am free and liberated.

Lets see what tomorrow brings.....

We're Baaaack......

I'm back....and I have just the right story to get into the groove again...plus I have missed blogging...but times have been tough, although there has been a lot of good things with the horrible bad stuff.....but I'll go there another day.....today its all about Dr. Pink Pinkerton and Nurse Daisy...

Remember them....?

Well, its that time again, and Daisy is literally in full bloom...yes she's in heat again. And really its not been a problem....

Until today...well, not a problem for me exactly...

So I'm sitting in my living room, taking a break from a a long day of taking orders...and then I hear a cry...just a tiny cry....I think to myself that the two dogs are playing a little rough...

Then I hear another cry out....and it sounds more serious...I ignore it...until the next one which was a full on scream...well the kind of sound a dog would make if they could scream....

I think to myself, my God....Daisy has somehow been hurt...cause as I'm running outside to save her I hear her whimper again....

I get out to the drive way.....Daisy!!!! Daisy where are you??? Daaaaaaaisssy....and I hear her crying...and Pinky was nowhere to be seen.

I then see the rustling of the bushes....and then it all becomes very clear....there they are...

Neutered Pink Pinkerton was stuck inside of my sweet innocent Daisy....OMG....how in the world? Pinky does not have the equipment.....

Well....I had to go into the house and sit down a minute because this was all too much. My first thought was can she get pregnant???? nawwwwwww, he needs the nuts and bolts to do that!

Do I dare venture out there again, would they still be stuck together?

Finally after getting over my initial repulsion, I venture back outside....and there's Pinky with a big woody...limping down the driveway...He couldn't walk properly....looking chagrined and mortified at the same time....

Awwwww its good to be back...think I will go see what Betty Jo has been up to and my other blog buddy Lady Chatelaine....